Tacit Acceptance
“ Guess what?” the little girl told her parents one evening. “At school they’re going to teach us domestic silence.”
Her mother smiled. “You mean domestic science, don’t you?” “ Leave the kid alone,” the father demanded. “There’s a faint chance she means just what she says.”
Long Sermon
Two elderly ladies were discussing the sermon. “It reminded me of the peace of God,” said one. “It passed all understanding.” “I liked it too,” said the second, “only it reminded me of God’s mercy. I thought it would endure forever.”
A Saintly Thief
The pastor was hurrying home late one night when a man shoved a gun in his side and demanded his wallet. When Father unbuttoned his coat, though, the man apologised. “I’m sorry Father,” he said, “I didn’t realise you were a priest.”
Much relieved, and hoping to start a conversation, the pastor took a cigar from his pocket and said, “Here, take a cigar.” “ Oh, no, Father,” the gunman replied. “I don’t smoke during Lent.”
Shells Bursting
An army cook had just prepared a huge order of scrambled eggs for a crowd of recruits. While the soldiers ate, the cook sat down and wrote a letter to his girlfriend. ‘Dearest,’ he wrote, ‘for two hours shells have been bursting all around me.”
Three turtles
decided to go on a picnic. They packed their lunches and went down to the river, but before they could begin eating, it started to rain. They decided one must go back for an umbrella. The smallest turtle finally offered to go if the others would promise not to eat the sandwiches while he was gone. They agreed.
They waited a day, a week, a month, until finally, a year had gone by. Still their companion did not return. One turtle said to the other, “He’s not coming back. Let’s go ahead and eat the sandwiches.” Just then, the little turtle stuck his head out from behind a nearby rock and said: “If you do, I won’t go.”
The Truth Now!
Husband: “I saw Tom Tooley downtown today, and he didn’t even speak to me. He thinks I am not his equal, I guess.”
Wife: “Why, that stupid, brainless, conceited, good-for-nothing moron! You certainly are his equal!”
Bad News
A doctor fell into the well and broke his collar-bone.
A doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone.
The Difficult Point
Doctor: “Tell your wife not to worry about that slight deafness as it is simply an indication of advancing years.” Husband: “You tell her.”